If The Professionals had made a Green Cross Code Commercial.

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“I left my clackers in my desk”.

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“Your mum’s late again. She’s probably still watching The Sullivans. Let’s make the unwise decision to walk home on our own.”

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“Hmm… are those kids making the unwise decision to walk home on their own?”

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“You can get impaled on railings… I saw a video about it at school.”

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“Hang on… they bloody are…”

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“C’mon, let’s pretend we belong to a fictional government organisation that can pretty much operate outside the law. Weeeee!”

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“Oh crap.”

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“Come back here, you little buggers!”

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“Let’s also pretend the lolly-pop man belongs to a fictional, left wing, German terrorist gang.”

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“Clear off, you little bleeders! Or you’ll be feeling the wrong end of my lolly!”

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“Those bloody kids are going to end up drowning in a grain silo or getting electrocuted somewhere… this is the 70’s after all.”

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“A building site! Let’s go and play with a massive, unstable pile of bricks.”

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“‘Oi, have you seen two kids pretending to be agents of a fictional government organisation that seemingly operates above and beyond the law?”

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Brrrrmmmm.

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“Uhoh.”

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“Muhahahaha! Children!”

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*Insert moody nostril flare.

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“Hmm… impressive motor!”

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“If we stand still long enough, he should be able to hit us.”

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“Moving out the way would be a good idea right now, kids”.

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“Yeah! Sod off back to Radio Luxembourg!”

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“Jangly, jangly.”

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“That’s the trouble with you 70’s kids. You love nothing better than appearing in videos that have you dying in inexplicably grotesque fashions…”

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“Now you see, The Green Cross Code is alright…”

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“But you have to remember that most people out there are insane or evil and want to kill you.”

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“Remember, I won’t be there next time you get chased by a faceless, criminal mastermind, hellbent on your destruction, so I want you to learn how to kill people with your bare hands, alright!”

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“Oh yeah, and Father Christmas is dead.”

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“Bye kids!”

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About oddboggle

Here are the letters I write to Sarah, aka Sarge, who will be sadly missed but never forgotten.
This entry was posted in Letters to Sarah and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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