I can’t remember this photo being taken, but by the looks on my face I’d just realised something quite terrible. Something that no amount of cake could ever resolve. Looking back through my pictures, I stopped at this one and decided it summed up my life with more accuracy than any other, so here it is.
The thing is, the only time I don’t feel stupid, is when I know I am. Nothing is more crushing than labouring under the illusion that you are getting somewhere, only to have it become clear that you are still the ugly girl, covered in cake, who doesn’t fit in.
I know this is probably a mixture of things. Loneliness, grief and isolation have chased me into a dark corner and I just don’t know what to say to them anymore. The only question I have to ask them is the one I really, really don’t want a truthful answer to. Is it me?